James Hetfield Hair Watch: Following the Follicular Foibles of the Metallica Frontman

Late Breaking News

11/07/2007

Breaking News on the Beard Front

In late October, at a benefit for The Bridge School in California, Metallica amazed the crowd with not only an acoustic set of mostly covers (including Garbage's truly obnoxious "Only Happy When It Rains". No, seriously. See for yourself here.), but also with a neatly short-trimmed version of James' much-despised Amish Beard!!

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Well. I suppose that's progress. Can we still call it an Amish Beard now? Maybe "modified Amish"? or "Amish v 1.2"?? Regardless, it's obvious that despite his protests, Jaymz really must have been wounded by those Taliban remarks back in July. heh heh heh.

08/03/07

Happy Birthday to James!

Is it that time again already? Yes, another year for James to get older and lamer. The news on the Metallica front is: there is no news. Their quick money grab...errm...tour...is over and now they're back to working on the next album. So we can all go back to cringing with dread for its release. Oh, there's a big 'tallica interview/cover story in this month's Q music magazine. Features several pictures of Amish-Taliban James. I should buy it to scan them but it's a UK mag and costs $9!! $9 to see Hetfield's assy beard?!

Meanwhile, I have a birthday present for any old fans out there: I've added several pics to the Golden Age of Hetfield section of the gallery, mostly from screencaps I made from DVDs. You'll find the new pics on the second page of the section. So on this special day, let us pause to reflect on what was, and mourn for what is.

11/07/2007

Breaking News on the Beard Front

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07/11/07

OH. MY. GOD.

This story is simply too good to be true, but it IS!

Hetfield Held Up for 'Taliban' Beard

(July 9) -- Metallica's Live Earth performance almost faded to black before it even happened, thanks to British airport officials who held their lead singer at a terminal because of his "Taliban-like beard."

According to the British newspaper The Times, as reported by the New Zealand Herald, metal pioneer James Hetfield was held up and subjected to a line of questioning due to his facial hair following a tense week in the United Kingdom after foiled terror plots and an attack in Scotland.

The Times reports that airport security officials were embarrassed and let Hetfield go after he explained he was a member of the legendary rock band.

2007 AOL LLC. All Rights Reserved.

Or is it? As of today, Camp Metallica is putting out statements denying the incident ever happened.

METALLICA Rep Says HETFIELD Was Not Detained At U.K. Airport

Contrary to published reports, METALLICA frontman James Hetfield was not detained by U.K. airport security last week on his way to performing in London for Live Earth.

Britain's The Times claims that Hetfield was held and questioned due to what friends call his "Taliban-like beard." According to the paper, the METALLICA singer was briefly questioned before "red-faced" officials realized he was a rock star.

On Monday (July 9), a rep for Hetfield told Usmagazine.com that none of it ever happened. "It's false. It's not true."

Well, of COURSE he's gonna deny it! You expect Hetfield to admit that his Amish beard is ugly enough to cause an international incident?? Frankly I don't care if it happened or not. Just the fact that a story about the awfulness of Hetfield's hair is taking up global media space is more than enough for me! Finally...validation!! LOL. I've been terrorized all along by that beard, and it's about time that someone else took note. If the story is true though, it doesn't make the UK police look very bright...I mean, they can't tell Taliban from Amish?!? C'mon!

Although...they ARE both religious extremist groups. Limit the kind of clothes their members can wear. Have weird beards. Hrmmmm....maybe they DO have a case! Heh.

I wonder how long before Lars decides to try to sue England?

12/19/06

A Christmas Present from James!

Just in time for the holidays, James gives us the most precious gift...the gift of laughter... at THIS!

I've been flabberghasted by this man before but, What! The! Fuck?! Did Jaymz up and join a bluegrass band when I wasn't looking? Is he the newest Soggy Bottom Boy? Is he gearing up for the big Banjo duel at the county fair? I mean, between the grizzled Amish beard, the farmer jeans, the flannel modestly buttoned up to the neck, there is so much Wrongness going on that my brain has shorted out. I am at a loss for words.

And that's not all! The above photo was taken in a recording studio. Yup, the guys plan to inflict a new album on us in 2007, which means that as the publicity gears up this site should be brimming with fresh stupidity in the coming year! Hooray, something to look forward to (dread?) ! Check back here often as the new shit comes to light. Lars even claims that the new disc will be just like Master of Puppets. Teehee! I guess Metallica finally got tired of everyone hating them. Whatever. As long as James looks like THAT, it will be physically impossible for them not to suck.

P.S. -- In a bit of site maintenance news, I had to shut off the comments function on the gallery because I was drowning in spam. Sorry! If ya got something to say you can always email me.

5/19/06

Well, That Was Predictable

MusicCares Benefit. May 12, 2006.

Like the changing of the seasons or the phases of the moon, Hetfield's hair stupidty is a predictable force of nature. See my comments from last update. He looked passable then. And now...wtf?! Where is he taking that beard? It doesn't even look Amish anymore; I think he's going for the Old Testament Look. But it's oddly...shaped...so he looks more like a 17th-century Flemish merchant. Guildmaster Jaanes Hetfelld, at your service!

No wonder his wife is so rarely photographed with him. She's probably dying of embarassment. Especially if she took a look at some of the other metal heads who attended the same event.

James, Lemmy looked better than you, and he's like, 70. Duff McKagan looked HELLA better than you. And James, Ozzy looked better than you! How sad is that?! Aren't you ashamed? Good.

3/3/06

I've Seen Worse

Metallica back in the studio, Feb. 2006. Pic mercilessly stolen from official Metallica site! Call Lars' fuckin lawyer!!

Back to the hair. Hey! Is this what James' hair looks like when it's not all slicked back with industrial-grade crud?? James! That is not half-bad! I could live with that! We could reach a compromise here, man! Ditch the Greasy Kid Stuff, and you'll be on the Path to Righteousness!
I also like that he is re-attaching his beard to his sideburns, losing the Amish look. Thank gawd. If he had a mustache in this pic, he'd actually look good. When was the last time THAT happened?!
Of course I know that this is just one of those phases James goes through, where he gives us false hopes, only to crush us with his next brutal hairstyle misadventure. What a dickhead.

2/13/06

James Lives!

Holy shit, an update! Yeah, yeah..don't blame me, blame Hetfield for being a big ol antisocial recluse. Anyway, Jaymz surfaces in Jan. 2006 at the "Darwin Awards Party" at the Sundance Film Festival. Now that's funny. Why can't Lars Darwinize himself?

Anyway, after all that waitng, James totally disappoints by having the same damn hairstyle he had last year! C'mon Jimmy, people are counting on you for their entertainment! Ya let us down!

But it does look like he took care of those unsightly grey hairs.

8/12/05

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

A kindly reader sent in recent pics taken this June when James attended a Yankees game. As we can see, James is still sporting the combination Amish/Greaser look he had last year at this time. But with one big difference: last year his beard was still mostly blonde. In just one year, it has gone almost totally white! Having a hard year, James? Maybe he had a traumatic experience? Bad genes? Forgot to tell wife to pick up more Just for Men?

8/03/05

Happy Birthday Jaymz!

Yup, Our Boy is 42 today. I know I haven't updated this site in a long while, but that's because since the end of the most recent MetalliTour, James seems to have disappeared from public view. No public outings means no new photos. No new photos means I have no proof of what he looks like lately. A lack of hard data of course leads to Idle Speculation on my part. He could be holed up somewhere doing gawd-knows-what to his hair. What will James look like the next time he emerges from media hibernation?! I shudder to think. Here are my guesses: