The Facial Hair Factor: Formulas for Success
We aren't just screwing around here on this webpage; we take this subject very seriously. And to prove it, we're going to use math. That's right, math. Bear with us.
While the hair on top of JH's head may get all the press, his facial hair is an often overlooked but extraordinarily important factor in whether JH looks like a god or a goon. It is the facial hair that most often falls victim to JH's whims and bouts of insanity, drunkeness, or sartorial masochism. As such, it is always in flux and deserving of individual study.
JH's facial hair consists of two components:
1. the mustache
2. the beard (Which can refer to either growth on the chin or jawline, or both. But let's not complicate matters.)
Our research has incontrovertably proven that the mustache is the single most important variable in JH's array of hair options. With it, his average score on our tracking chart is 7.11 points of Goodness. Without it, his average drops to 2.9.
Let's look at the math, shall we?
Long Hair - Any Facial Hair =
|(Short Hair + Mustache) - Beard =||Good|
|(Short Hair + Beard) - Mustache =||Dear god, no!|
|(Short Hair + Beard + Mustache =||Not Too Shabby!|
|Long Hair + Beard + Mustache =||Hell yeah!|
|(Long Hair + Mustache) - Beard =||Good|
|(Long Hair + Beard) - Mustache =||Eww|